immortalized

youmake-kittyscared:

when you fuck up and realize there’s nothing you can do so you just accept it

(via the-absolute-funniest-posts)

Hey Tumblr, my old friend,

It’s been a while, buy hey I’m not dead! 

I’m actually surprised I’ve come to last this long

The past year have made me fragile

Far from strong

But here I am about to celebrate my 25th

Though there are still traces of grief

and I don’t know whether to feel burden or relief 

I’m trying to look at the brighter side of things

Kinda excited to hear my friends sing

Ah my friends,

Those who veered me away from my end

I am excited to celebrate with you

Cause with my family, it’s just hard to show what’s true

Because though they say “happy birthday to you”

They somehow manage to make me feel blue

But enough about them,

Let’s go back to me

It is after all my birthday

and the song requires me to be happy

I am excited for tomorrow

That’s for sure

But tonight I am feeling suffocated 

I feel the pressure 

I really hope I keep finding things

To make me want to continue living

I honestly don’t know what I’m doing with my life anymore. I should learn how to say no. I should not be so impulsive. But the more I try to get my shit together, the more I find myself falling apart. 

I feel so agitated when I’m not doing anything, but being always so anxious paralyzes me to do things I want to do.  I’m scared. I’m tired. I’m wasting my life. The girl who started this blog years ago would probably slap me silly now. 

I can’t keep pretending that everything is fine. 

I need to be brave and walk away.

Once upon a time I scrolled my way through countless blogs every night till the wee hours of the morning, and wrote some of my own. Those were the simpler times. Unknowingly, those were the nights that honed who I am today. 

A few days ago, a co-worker told me about a talk given by a successful creative professional. The speaker reached the top of the creative hierarchy in a big time ad agency, but she felt unhappy. So she decided to re-evaluate her life. She sought to find her passion. It sounds super cliche, but she gave a clear and simple definition of what passion is which differentiated her advice from everything else I’ve heard before: 

Passion is what you used to do for hours on end without getting tired when you were a teenager. 

It made me realize that I am not truly happy living “my dream job.” I thought I wanted this. I cried for this. My nose freaking bled because of this. But I just feel so unmotivated every weekday morning. 

So here I am, re-evaluating and reviving my favorite sort of productive hobby when I was a teen. Maybe I can find peace here. Maybe this can be my first step to escaping the corporate hellhole I so willingly sold my soul to. 

Hi tumblr,

It’s been a while. Adulthood is crazy. I miss the good old days when tumblarity was still a thing. 

clientsfromhell:

Most of the writing services I offer are helping develop people’s ideas. One such case was for a series of animations for Youtube.

Client: I need you to help me develop my story’s plot, characters, dialogue and so on.

Me: Sure, no problem. I do need this weekend off to take care of some family issues.

Client: So you’re quitting?

Me: No! Of course not. I just need the weekend, but I’ll resume work immediately.

Client: You need to answer me:  are you working for me?

Me: I am! I will! I just need this weekend off. I have a family issue to take care of.

Client:

 I guess I could allow it. I mean, I have a personal life, family, and other businesses to tend to.

Me: Okay.

Client: But I need to know if you’ll work for me.

Me: …Yes, I will.

Later on, I discovered that I wasn’t the first writer they had on board. The four before me (as well as other freelancers) had a tendency to quit…

At one point, they sent me three scripts (or what I think were scripts) to work with.

Client:  I need you to flesh the script out.

Me:  Er, which one? What do you mean by flesh out?

Client:  Flesh out. It means to “expand and develop.” You’re a writer, you should know this.

Me:  I know what it means, but I wasn’t sure what in particular you wanted developed. Also, which script do I need to work on?

Client: The one I sent.

Me:  You sent three.

Client:  Will talk later. Other business.

My breaking point came when they wanted me to adapt scenes straight from another show, but alter the dialogue to fit. I can deal with a lot, but I draw the line at plagiarism.

Me:  I can’t work on this project anymore. I’m sorry. I have a day job to think about. I hope you find another writer.

Client: I took this personally at first, but I understand. You’d be surprised how many writers leave me. They need to know something about commitment. Commitment – noun – the state of being devoted to something such as a cause; a pledge or undertaking. I guess without money, people take on the instincts of beasts. No disrespect meant towards you of course. Thankfully, I have a better sense of professionalism. I’ll pay your fee. I wish you the best.

Get the Freelance Guide for 2017